Coming Back to Blogging

I have been wanting to write for some time now; however, I am afraid I was suffering from writer's block. So many thoughts and ideas came to me, but I just could not seem to find the time nor inclination to write. I think a lot of this had to do with my transition from NC to TX. It has been filled with numerous challenges and blessings. One thing however, continued to plague my thoughts. . . my unsold home in NC.

We like so many others had the pleasure of owning a home that would not sell when it HAD to sale. I am pleased to say (after one year on the market) it has sold. I feel a huge weight is finally off our shoulders. Long, hard, and financially difficult to swallow; but finished. Sometimes relief is not getting what you want, but just being released from the pressure or burden. I am grateful that we are finished and now we can start rebuilding.

It shocked me to see that it had been a year and four months since my last blog. In that time, we have lost my mother-in-law, moved to TX, sold our home in NC, and my father-in-law has had a stroke. We have also been blessed with a job my husband loves, surrounded by family for the first time in 10 years, and fallen in love with a new wonderful town.

I think it was serendipitous that the last blog was "Taking Your Cup." It was a story about taking the changes in life and being willing to live and love the newness you were given. And that in so doing, we would realize that what we have always needed would be provided.

So here I am; grabbing my new cup here in Texas, and I hope to be back writing frequently. I hate that it has been so long to come back to something I love. But the important thing is that I come back to what I love.

Taking Your Cup

The day was rainy and had turned chilly. Fall was making its first appearance in our town in North Carolina. Walking home from the bus stop with my son, we both commented how we were cold and inappropriately dressed for the type of day this day had become. As we rushed back into our home, I said there was only one thing to do at the first chilly day of fall. Make some hot cocoa; a special treat to mark a changing season and to warm us up fast.

Now my middle daughter and my son had both had hot chocolate before. They knew it was a special event where the scent of sweet chocolate would permeate the air and tiny marshmallows would float to the top of their warm delicious drink. They danced in the kitchen as they waited for the hot chocolate to make its way to the table.

My youngest, however, did not. Being that she had just turned two, she had never had hot chocolate before. She liked cold chocolate milk and she had experienced marshmallows; but, she never had seen the drink warm and the marshmallows in it. She refused to drink it. She would not touch it and even complained about it in the way only a two year old could. Her two older siblings could not understand why she would not approach it. It was so special, such a treat, something that would not be offered very frequently. Why would she pass it up?

As I made my youngest daughter a sippy cup of water, I thought about the situation. Here was a drink that was similar to chocolate milk, marshmallows that she loved, and an opportunity to sit and drink like the big kids; but she refused and complained. It struck me how much she was like me. How many times did I have an opportunity for a new experience, but I retracted and complained because I did not recognize its goodness, its specialness.

Many times in life we are handed a new task, place to live, or even a hardship. We look at it negatively because we are afraid of the new-ness and unfamiliarity of it; we desperately want what we know, understand, and are comfortable with. Once one gets over the initial shock of the heat of the cocoa which we have only know as a cold drink, we can appreciate its differences and see the positives of our new cup. We will even find that though we could not understand it at first, our good old marshmallows are still there. Slightly different in texture, but still the marshmallows we have always loved. Though the cup and drink are different, the familiar is not completely gone. We just have to drink a little to find that out. We have got to take a risk and just try.

Needless to say, my two year old did not have her first cup of cocoa that day. Her big brother gladly drank her cup down. Life is like that too. If we do not go for the opportunities before us, someone else will take on the cup or the opportunity will just be tossed away.

Luckily for my sweet baby girl, fall has just begun and winter is on the way. She will have a few more opportunities to drink some hot cocoa. Luckily for me, I too will have more cups laid before me. I really must remember that a new cup in life really could be a blessing; a sweet, warm, and delicious blessing. I will stop complaining and I will be boldly wrapping my fingers around the handle of my cup discovering what drink lays before me. I'm sure that the marshmallows I have always loved will still be there.

The Words I Didn't Say Today

I have three children. I have to tell you, my youngest, she is a runner. Now that her older brother is back in school and her big sister is in preschool two days a week, I am starting to teach my youngest (who just turned two) how to walk beside the basket when we shop. I make a device called "My Extra Hand" walking guides. It's a little strap that attaches to the shopping basket (it attaches to just about anything), and it teaches your child to hold the strap while you push the cart. Today was our first day with it.

I have taught my older children this technique so I know what to expect. When she runs off and refuses to hold the line and walk with me, she has to go in the basket. As you can guess, a fit will ensues. This method is a process. After some time she will learn her boundaries. But at first, you will have a battle of wills. She will cry when she is not allowed to run anywhere she chooses.

So I am out at large grocery store, starting this method with her for the first time. I know that we will have periods of success and times when she will cry about being put back in the basket because she will not obey. I know it and expect it. It's a part of the process. I went to the store when it was not crowded, and it mostly had stockers in the aisles. My daughter did in fact get angry about being placed in the basket. I was not going along with the program she had in mind, and she was absolutely going to let me know what she thought about it.

When I passed a stocker in the snack aisle she stated loudly to another stocker, "Geez, if I had to listen to that, I would SHOOT myself." I was mad. And you do why? Because here is what would happen to you if you actually had to listen to THAT daughter of mine all day...

Your ears would be filled with more laughter than crying.
Your eyes would see a baby learning her world and dancing her way through the experience.
Your arms would be filled with hugs.
Your lips would have the sweetest kisses.
Your voice would sing off key and still bring smiles.
Your feet would run and dance.
And your heart would be filled with thankfulness that you have been blessed to know someone like her.

And so random stocker, if I didn't know what THAT felt like, then maybe I would just want to shoot MYSELF.

So that's how I felt. Do you know what I did? You guessed it. NOTHING. I walked away in silence. A little mad; but now, a little sad. Another bitter person in this world who probably does not know what THAT is all about.

It is hard to teach life lessons in public. Can we give children time to learn? Can we hold our tongues when we do not have something nice to say?

And to you, rude random stocker, I only have this to say. I WILL BE BACK! See you on the snack aisle. I'll be the one with the child you will be praising for being able to stay close to my basket without running off............ Well, eventually I will be.

Was Your Coffee Filtered?

I love coffee. There is nothing like that dark brew that gives me my get up and go in the morning. But, have you ever taken the last swallow and gotten a mouth full of grounds? No matter how good the cup of coffee was, you are left with the bitter griminess of the grounds. The taste and texture is bad and is not easily gotten rid of. You repeatedly rinse and spit that stuff out trying to clear your mouth of it. Those grounds, being improperly filtered have taken away from your delicious cup of coffee. Yes, I drank my cup of coffee. I am awake, but I will not go back for more. I even look back at that cup as a nasty, unpleasant experience.

I was thinking about this subject as I was filling my coffee pot. I need truth in my life just as much as (if not more than) I need coffee. Without my coffee, I just don’t feel like I am at my best. Likewise truth. If I am never confronted with it, I will not be at my best. God has provided several vehicles through which my true self has been revealed to me: friends, family, husband, children, and self- examination through life crisis. All have reveled truth. Some truth is up lifting and strengthening; some is humbling and cries out for me to deal with the ugliness within. Truth is something I need to see. But what is healthy truth and what is just bitter grounds?

Read Ephesians 4:14-16 (NIV)
14Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Sometimes after a cup filled more with grounds than coffee, you can doubt yourself. Left with conversations in your head that make you feel tossed about and adrift. Ask yourself what Christ’s truth is and who you are in him. Ask him to convict your heart on what areas you need to lift up to him and allow his will to take over. Ask for his peace and his guidance to know the difference between truth and bitter grounds. (He might even guide you that it’s time to start getting you coffee from another supplier!) If handed a cup of grounds to drink you would refuse it and not place it to your lips. When both coffee and grounds are in the cup together, it’s hard to see which is which. You will ingest both unknowingly.

I’ve thought a lot about the truth I have received and I have given. Was a filter used? Robust, powerful, and eye opening: were the grounds of bitterness, vengeance, and condescending mockery the last tastes left in the mouth? When it is time to offer truth, when it is time for the confrontation, will there be enough strength and maturity to just serve the truth and filter out what does not need to be drunk in the first place? If yes, the receiver may be more willing to come and share their morning muffin, thoughts, life, love, and coffee with you.

Amy Dubois’ an educator turned stay-at-home mom and entrepreneur. She’s the mother of three children, who bring her the greatest joy and challenges. Using her background in education and mothering, she’s developed a system to help parents discipline with consistency, clear consequences, dignity, and love. For more information visit http://www.msbeehavedesigns.com Copyright © 2006-2008 Ms Beehave Designs, LLC. All Rights Reserved. This article may not be freely reproduced, edited, or published without consent.

How to Create a Successful Quiet Time

So your beloved child has stopped napping, but the need for quiet independent play is still desired, right? How do you teach quiet time?

A lot of times when it comes to creating a Quiet Time (QT) in our homes we think that if we just find the “right” toy to hold our child’s interest, then we will have be able to create a successful quiet time. While I will agree that your child needs quiet activities that they enjoy, there is a whole lot more to making quiet time work in your home.

Now those of you who have a toddler that is waning in and out of needing a nap, NOW is the perfect time to introduce Quiet Time procedures. Those of you with older children that are not accustomed to a nap or quiet time period during the day, you might have a little more work to do in order to get everyone on board with the idea. But it will be worth it in the end. As with any goal, we need to do a little planning. Here we go!

Your child needs to clearly understand the boundaries of quiet time. It’s is only fair to them, that they know what signals the completion of quiet time. Communication and reinforcement of the rules are key.

Your mission: Quiet Time (QT)
Definition: Independent play, confined to a specific area, without the use of TV or Computer, for a specific amount of time. (I am not against TV or Computers, but I want to be as clear as possible about what we are trying to accomplish for this particular subject.)
The rules: Where can I go, what can be played with and how do I know when it is over?

Specific Area: Here is an area where you can give your child choice and creativity. You can make Quiet time as basic or complex as you would like. Your QT area can be contained to a room, a bed, or a created QT spot. If your child is one that is transitioning out of the napping stage, you might want to confine QT to the bed. This way if their body does need rest, they will more than likely fall asleep during this time. You can also create a very comfy spot for QT that is not in the bed but does lend itself greatly to sleepy time. For example you can use a beach towel and pillows, a large cardboard box, or pop-up tent to be the place where QT is happening. The box is fun because you can (cut) sculpt the sides of the box and take off the top to make your own princess bed or car, etc. Your child can help decorate the box that will be their very own special place for this time. But as I mentioned earlier, a simple towel and pillow will do the same thing.

What can be played with: A younger child that has a more confined place for QT needs to have acceptable toys and activities in their area (books, aqua doodle, etc.) The older the child, the more space and activities should be available to them. When it comes to selecting QT activities it is good to have a few acceptable parent choices for the child to choose from. Give them some ownership that works within your goals for QT. Keeping some toys/activities as QT only activities, will help to make the activity special and hold interest longer.

Time: Obviously you can use a timer or clock alarm to signal the end of quiet time. However, my favorite device is music (books on tape are good too.) With either book or music, keep in mind tone and time. (If this is quiet time, you want an atmosphere that is calming and soothing rather than loud and simulating. Set the mood with relaxing music and dim light.) The great thing about using music or audio stories is that it will remind your child that it is quiet time and will let your child know when QT is over.

Lastly you will need to think about consequences to not complying with QT rules. A child that has the free of choice in his room but refuses to engage in quiet activities (think super action hero time) or repeated leaves the room, might find his QT time privileges restricted in choice and area (aka: you can now only read books and you must stay in bed.) Leaving the room for unnecessary reasons can “restart the timer.” There are many different scenarios and consequences you can come up with, but keep in mind that you want to keep your objective in mind. “Beloved child, we will have QT. QT is over when the music/timer is over. If you choose to disobey, the consequence is _________.” Just remember consequences serve to relate your child’s actions to a change in their environment. Consequences to negative behavior brings forth a loss of something of value (permenantly or for a set period of time), or brings forth a gain of something unwanted (extra work, more time in an undesired activity, alone time, etc.)

Needless to state, Quiet Time is a gift to a parent or caregiver; but it is also a gift to your child because it allows them the chance to play, think, and create on their own. Set the boundaries, communicate your expectations and hold them accountable to their choices. Most importantly have a loving day and a happy Quiet Time!

How do YOU create Quiet Time? Have you ever thought you were having a great Quiet Time moment, only to find your beloved child passed out on the floor asleep covered in marker? Have you got some great QT stories or ideas you would like to share? Speak up and post!


Amy Dubois’ an educator turned stay-at-home mom and entrepreneur. She’s the mother of three children, who bring her the greatest joy and challenges. Using her background in education and mothering, she’s developed a system to help parents discipline with consistency, clear consequences, dignity, and love. For more information visit http://www.msbeehavedesigns.com Copyright © 2006-2008 Ms Beehave Designs, LLC. All Rights Reserved. This article may not be freely reproduced, edited, or published without consent.

A Mermaid’s Tale (What if I loved my body like a three year old?)

Okay, everybody stay calm and do not panic. Spring is here and that means we should be on alert. Swimsuit season will soon be upon us! Of course, swimsuit season is year round if you are a three year old. My precious three year adores her swimsuit. In fact I have been known to hide it, so that she does not bug me all day long to wear it. And when she does wear it, wow; she knows it is something special. She loves everything about her swimsuit: the colors, texture, and the little tutu on the bottom. She feels on top of the world in a swimsuit. What if I loved myself in a swimsuit like my daughter loves herself?

Oh yes, I know why she loves herself in a swimsuit. As she wears her swimsuit she knows that soon she will feel water moving across her legs transforming them into a mermaid’s tail. Her suit is anticipated joy; her suit will take her to fun as the sun shines its beautiful light on her. She does not “suck in” her tummy; she breathes in life and grabs a Popsicle. She does not stand with her arms folded across her frame; she is recklessly free, in a swimsuit.

If I think back hard enough, I can remember that my swimsuit, like hers, once made me into a beautiful sea creature. But now, now I hate wearing a swimsuit. Now don’t get me wrong, you will find me wearing one. I just don’t like it. I could list numerous reasons why I feel this way: My body bears the evidence of birthing three children, I’m not as young as I used to be, blah, blah, blah, and on and on. I do see these facts as legitimate reasons, but before all these things, I learned to hate a bathing suit. Now before you start with the “It’s what is on the inside that matters.” speech, I want you to know that I believe that saying is absolutely true. And truthfully, I love my inside. I like who I am, and I find myself to be beautiful. But when my outsides are bound together in unforgiving spandex in the bright light of day, I don’t like it.

When did it change for me? When did I lose sight of the water and the anticipation of a Popsicle? Where did my mermaid tail go? I lost it. Or maybe I gave it away.

How long? How long will my beautiful daughter adore her bathing suit? Sweet and precious child, do not ever change. Always see yourself as I see you. And I promise I will look at my changed and more mature body the way you see me: Mommy, provider of snacks and Popsicles; giver of hugs and kisses; and a beautiful fellow mermaid.

This summer I will put on my swimsuit and peel off my cover up. And if I look hard enough, I will see it; faded but not lost. Though I struggle with it, I have refused to give it up. My mermaid tail is still here. Beloved child, let’s jump in the pool and make another summer memory. And to all my sister mermaids, let’s live, love, and splash like only the most beautiful mermaids can.

Amy Dubois’ an educator turned stay-at-home mom and entrepreneur. She’s the mother of three children, who bring her the greatest joy and challenges. Using her background in education and mothering, she’s developed a system to help parents discipline with consistency, clear consequences, dignity, and love. For more information visit www.MsBeehaveDesigns.com

Preschool: What You Get for the Money

Am I prepared for the financial burden? Will my child be accepted into the program? I just hope I have the registration packet in on time. Even if I did register correctly, if I don’t win the lottery, then my child won’t have a chance of going. Yes, I’m worried about college…but right now, I’m freaking out about preschool.

It’s that time of year again, preschool registration. For those of you whose child is going to preschool in the fall, the time to register is now. So, how do you choose the best preschool?

I love watching “What you get for the Money” on the Fine Living channel. It’s a show that gives one price line, say $450,000, and shows what kind of home you could have in different parts of the country. Some homes have ample space and beautiful views. Other homes may be a one bedroom loft in the heart of a major city. If I could only find, “What you get for the Money: Preschool edition.”

So what do you get for the money? The answer: Socialization, Exploration, and Preparation.

Socialization
For 2’s, 3’s, and 4’s socialization is a huge part of preschool. Now before you roll eyes and say, “For the amount of money I’m paying for school, my child had better come home with more than knowing how to sit criss-cross-applesauce on a carpet square!” But you see the child going into a kindergarten setting already knowing basic group social rules is at an advantage. Children in preschool learn how to interact with teacher and peers by practicing the following skills:
* Conflict resolution: Sharing and waiting your turn
* Group movement: Waiting in line, sitting in a group to share information, transitioning to new activities
* Speaking manners: shouting out, inside voice, etc
* Body manners: keeping hands and feet to themselves

You may have an incredibly intelligent and talented child; however, if they do not have appropriate social skills, this will be an area in which they will not feel successful. Sometimes these skills can seem trivial to us as adults. They seem so basic and easy to learn. For a young child these skills must be practiced. Preschool is a great place to learn these skills in a patient environment.

Exploration
Yep, pretty much no matter how much money you spend, your child will explore their environment to learn the world around them. This is why an inviting, well defined room is important. Look for well planned centers of learning. Common ones you will see will be areas exploring shapes, colors, books, letters, numbers, building, sorting, and pretend play. You should see a gathering area where days and months of the year are discussed, books are read, and ideas and information are shared. Your child will be encouraged to play with everything, but if your child does not want to do the activity, they will not or should not be made to do the activity. This is especially true for the 2’s and 3’s age range. The 4’s will be directed to spend time in all areas, but it is low pressure learning environment.

Kindergarten preparation
For the four year old child, this is the reason you are sending them to preschool. Socialization is still important and you will still see an environment that is exploratory through centers. But you should also see a class that is being prepared for kindergarten. This is where curriculum comes in.

What do I mean by curriculum? The preschool should have a defined plan of what skills will be taught to your child. If the school cannot tell you their educational objectives for your child, be concerned. I like to know what will be covered in the Kindergarten class, so that as I’m hearing and seeing what is being taught in the preschool, I will have a good feel for whether or not it will lay a good foundation for Kindergarten. Find this information using a search engine on the internet (Example search: Kindergarten standards for NC).

Getting started
Decide how much money is appropriate for your family to put into exploratory based learning. Your child does need a good foundation for their education, but overstretching your family’s finances creates tension at home; ultimately not benefiting your child’s at home environment. Another consideration, how many days a week will your child attend? For the 2 and 3’s, whatever you and your child are comfortable with is appropriate. For the 4’s, they do better with four to five days a week. Why? Repetition and routine are the best learning environments for your child. You may be able to afford “the best” preschool but only at the two day a week level. Your four year old will retain more information from a less expensive 4 to 5 day program.

Get a list of preschools in your area and ask people where they send their children.

Out of the schools receiving a positive review, call the preschool and set up an appointment for a tour. Make sure you get to see the school in action. (Use the chart below as your guide.)

Ask what the school’s educational goals are for their students. If you are checking the preschool out for your two or three year old, be sure to observe the four year olds as well if you desire to keep your child in their school program in subsequent years.

Trust your gut. You will know by the way you feel walking through the school whether or not your child could feel accepted and excited about learning.

When selecting a preschool, here are the areas to look at:
* Clean and safe facility
* Low teacher/student ratio
* Low teacher turnover
* Security (Pick up procedure. How is the facility secured?)
* Curriculum (What skills and information are covered?)
* Licensed by the state
* Staff background checks
* Staff’s credentials (2 yrs of college, background in education, how do they select their teachers or train their teachers?)
* Classroom is well defined (Can tell how the room functions?)
* Infection control and prevention (Sick child policy, hand washing/sanitizing routine)
* Atmosphere (Are teachers engaging with students or just watching? Do students and staff seem happy? Is there a feeling of chaos and tension?)

A clean, well planned environment with a patient and enthusiastic teachers is what you should get for the money. Just don’t break the bank trying to get it. I’ve seen greatness at different price levels. More money can improve aesthetics of the facility and centers, as well as the credential requirements of the staff. But the basics should be covered at all preschools no matter what the price.

I do have a great chart that lets you evaluate three schools that you are looking at based on the above criteria; however I cannot seem to get the chart to appear in the blog. You can see the chart with this article at: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/preschool-what-you-get-for-the-money-164950/

Amy Dubois’ an educator turned stay-at-home mom and entrepreneur. She’s the mother of three children, who bring her the greatest joy and challenges.
Using her background in education and mothering, she’s developed a system to help parents discipline with consistency, clear consequences, dignity, and love. For more information visit www.MsBeehaveDesigns.com