alert. Swimsuit season will soon be upon us! Of course, swimsuit season is year round if you are a three year old. My precious three year adores her swimsuit. In fact I have been known to hide it, so that she does not bug me all day long to wear it. And when she does wear it, wow; she knows it is something special. She loves everything about her swimsuit: the colors, texture, and the little tutu on the bottom. She feels on top of the world in a swimsuit. What if I loved myself in a swimsuit like my daughter loves herself?Oh yes, I know why she loves herself in a swimsuit. As she wears her swimsuit she knows that soon she will feel water moving across her legs transforming them into a mermaid’s tail. Her suit is anticipated joy; her suit will take her to fun as the sun shines its beautiful light on her. She does not “suck in” her tummy; she breathes in life and grabs a Popsicle. She does not stand with her arms folded across her frame; she is recklessly free, in a swimsuit.
If I think back hard enough, I can remember that my swimsuit, like hers, once made me into a beautiful sea creature. But now, now I hate wearing a swimsuit. Now don’t get me wrong, you will find me wearing one. I just don’t like it. I could list numerous reasons why I feel this way: My body bears the evidence of birthing three children, I’m not as young as I used to be, blah, blah, blah, and on and on. I do see these facts as legitimate reasons, but before all these things, I learned to hate a bathing suit. Now before you start with the “It’s what is on the inside that matters.” speech, I want you to know that I believe that saying is absolutely true. And truthfully, I love my inside. I like who I am, and I find myself to be beautiful. But when my outsides are bound together in unforgiving spandex in the bright light of day, I don’t like it.
When did it change for me? When did I lose sight of the water and the anticipation of a Popsicle? Where did my mermaid tail go? I lost it. Or maybe I gave it away.
How long? How long will my beautiful daughter adore her bathing suit? Sweet and precious child, do not ever change. Always see yourself as I see you. And I promise I will look at my changed and more mature body the way you see me: Mommy, provider of snacks and Popsicles; giver of hugs and kisses; and a beautiful fellow mermaid.
This summer I will put on my swimsuit and peel off my cover up. And if I look hard enough, I will see it; faded but not lost. Though I struggle with it, I have refused to give it up. My mermaid tail is still here. Beloved child, let’s jump in the pool and make another summer memory. And to all my sister mermaids, let’s live, love, and splash like only the most beautiful mermaids can.
Amy Dubois’ an educator turned stay-at-home mom and entrepreneur. She’s the mother of three children, who bring her the greatest joy and challenges. Using her background in education and mothering, she’s developed a system to help parents discipline with consistency, clear consequences, dignity, and love. For more information visit www.MsBeehaveDesigns.com
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